In Season
6, Buffy kept saying she couldn't love Spike. Either you say "I
love you" or "I don't love you." Does a person say "I cannot love
you!"??? Only when she/he does love, but... can't, for some (right
or wrong) reason, don't you think? Never did Buffy say "I don't love you"
— and yeah, I know, there was that one time, but she was with her back
to him (and to us), so who knows what kind of horrible grimaces she made
to bring herself to say those words...
The fact that
Buffy couldn't love Spike had to do with her so much more than it had to
do with him. The girl was very, very, troubled — at sixteen, she lost her
virginity to a very older man, Angel, and right after the love making,
he turned evil and started killing people; she ended up having to send
"the person she loved more than anything" (at the time) to Hell. Next,
she had the disastrous one-night stand with [Parker],
The Jerk. Then, it came Riley, who cheated on her, leaving her afterwards.
Add to these an absent father and the death of her mother. Too much abandonment,
people she loved always walking away. It's not surprising she found it
hard to open up, to love and accept love. [Clem]
was right. Buffy had issues. A lot. To go with the cookie analogy (ugh!),
Buffy was burned cookie... too afraid to get burned again...
Besides, Spike
not having a soul was a big deal for Buffy; she always believed
that someone without a soul couldn't love (bad experiences with Angelus,
who didn't love her, you know). She didn't believe Spike's love for her
was real; eventually, she did accept it was, even confessing that
she had mistreated him, that she had been the monster in
the relationship.
Season 6
At first Buffy
just wanted to feel; but I do believe she fell in love with him
eventually, even if she herself didn't want to admit.... issues, remember?
— After Buffy
broke up with Spike, the two of them met at Xander and Anya's not-wedding
and she got jealous that he had taken a girl with him — she even said that
it hurt; and she was pleased to know he would come back to the crypt, but
wasn't going to do anything with said girl (Hell's Bells)
— when they
met in the cemetery after the not-wedding and he asked her if she had cried...
because of the wedding, that face of hers... it was like "wow, busted!
He knows! I cried because of our breaking-up!" (Normal Again)
— when she
saw Spike having sex with Anya, she got hurt; everybody noticed that, Willow,
Dawn... (Entropy)
— she said
to Spike she had "feelings for him" , and after Spike, out of desperation,
tried to force himself on her, she got much more disappointed than
mad (Seeing Red)
— when she
needed somebody to take care of her precious little sis Dawn, she didn't
think twice, she knew she could trust Spike for the job — she who had said
to Spike "I don't trust you enough to be love" hours before. But she did
trust him, so... (Villains)
— when she
learned from Clem that Spike was gone, she seemed very disappointed and
sad, and wanted to know when he would come back (Villains)
Season 7
It took time,
but finally the Slayer let herself to be touched by love again — Spike
had won a soul for her, after all. All season seven was a big construction
of the Spuffy Love. After the attempted rape and the abuse of Spike by
Buffy ("No touching!", as he yelled at her in Beneath You),
the two of them rebuilt the trust in each other and were able to be a couple
again, to touch each other again — hence the tittle of the episode
where they cuddled, Touched:
— Buffy seemed
in awe when she saw Spike after months without any news, and was concerned
about Spike's chest injuries (Lessons)
— she got upset
when he said they weren't best friends anymore and still was concerned
with his chest injuries (Beneath You)
— she wanted
him out of the basement and managed to get a place for him to live (Him)
— she wanted
to prove he wasn't the killer, and didn't kill him when she found out he
was the killer (Sleeper)
— she believed
in him (Never Leave Me)
— she rescued
him from the Turok-Han and looked at him with love (Showtime)
— she was worried
about his injuries and clearly missed his comfy old crypt (Potential)
— she was very
concerned about his pain and its consequences, trusting him enough to get
the ship removed (The Killer in Me)
— she said
to Willow she had been in love with Spike ("Why do people in this house
think I'm STILL in love with Spike?"); she was so concerned about him and
his injuries she forgot Xander (who was severely wounded) and she didn't
want him to leave (First Date)
— she was truly
worried about him and his well-being when Giles was trying to de-triggered
him, paying attention to his physical and mental pain; she ran to save
his life; she told Wood and Giles (who had been her mentor for years) not
to mess with her vampire ever again (Lies My Parents Told Me)
— she wanted
to spend the night with Spike (Touched)
— she said
to him that the night they spent together meant a lot to her and he didn't
need to be terrified (End of Days)
— she chose
to spend the 2 nights before the big battle with him — nights that could
have been her last ones on earth; she chose him as her Champion; in the
end, she stayed with him until the last second, said "I love you" to him,
almost dying under the crumbling walls (Chosen)
So, what would
she be thinking in front of that big crate, right after having had a beautiful
moment with her vampire with a soul, flaming hand holding and everything?
She was proud of him, of his achievement on life; the fire of love had
finally baked the cookie — without burning it (ugh, the cookie thing again).
A little too late, one can say. But as Spike is alive and well... anything
is possible.
And how about
Spike's "No, you don't", to Buffy's "I love you"? Well, he did have his
issues, too. He suffered a great deal in Buffy's hands, with her mind games,
and mixed signals (and yet she had the nerve saying "I'm tired of defensiveness
and weird mixed signals" to him...).
Even after
she had said she was "holding the scythe, because of you, because of the
strength you gave me", he doubted of what he had just heard; too traumatized
to cling to words:
I know,
I hear you say it, but...
So, when Buffy
finally said the three magic words, he didn't believe her — he heard she
say it, but...
Sacrificing
the One She Loves
In Lies
My Parents Told Me, Giles asks Buffy whether she had to kill Dawn
to save the world then, she would do it or not, and Buffy's answers is
yes, after all she has been through she would sacrifice a
person she loves in favor of the world.
And it is what
she does when she leaves Spike in the cave; she knows his sacrifice is
necessary for the greater good, she knows it's what her Champion wants,
and, as the Slayer she is, she accepts his destiny.
Conclusion
So, yeah, Buffy
does love Spike. And how about that "Tall, Dark and Forehead" guy, who
is "bloody stupid" and whose hair "goes straight up"? Well, he got the
brush off for Captain Peroxide, didn't he?!
Trivia
The last words
said by Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar on BtVS were: I LOVE YOU. SPIKE.
The thing
about Buffy and Spike is that they understand each other in a way that
nobody else understands her. They've both lived a hundred lives. And I
think we'll see over the next couple of years she'll learn that he's someone
who she can trust, who is a companion to her... (Sarah Michelle Gellar)
